Scrisoarea mea nervoasa catre iubire

 

The English version of the article is in the continuation of the Romanian version.

"Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet, if Hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it, therefore, the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.[...]"

Edgar Allan Poe, A dream within a dream 

Draga iubire,

Dupa zile de confuzie si griji, m-am decis sa iti scriu si sa te iau la rost pentru toate angoasele, pentru toate temerile si dilemele mele, pentru noptile in care nu pot dormi, pentru zilele in care nu pot sa zambesc si pentru momentele in care simt ca lumea este la picioarele mele. Cum si cine a suflat atata putere peste tine? Tu, imaginea unei trairi fragile, intruchipare a unei zeitati cu ochi halucinanti si atingeri inselatoare, te strecori incet si rece, precum un sarpe, si incolacesti cu putere, pana la strangulare, fiecare inima ce iti iese in cale. Inclusiv pe a mea. Ai pandit-o bine, ai asteptat, si ai prins-o mai ceva ca intr-o menghina. O sa ii dai drumul vreodata? Realizez ca sunt neputincioasa in fata ta, revolta mea nu face decat sa te amuze, iar lupta pe care o port cu tine e demult pierduta.

Cand o sa incetezi sa joci pe degete suflete, precum monezi vechi si ruginite, si o sa oferi mai mult decat bucuria unui moment ce se incheie inainte sa apucam sa clipim? Da, imi mai arunci cate un os, ici colo, ma ingani cu un zambet, ma amagesti cu un "Te iubesc", imi oferi minunata clipa de iluzie, si apoi ma arunci din nou in vartejul de indoieli si temeri. Asa ca te rog, politicos si oarecum nervos, fii mai blanda cu mine, neputincioasa ta victima, strangeti aripile negre-rosii ce se odihnesc si sporesc greutatea sufletului, si lasa-ma sa respir aerul curat al serenitatii.

A ta victima revoltata,
Andreea 




Dear love,
 
After days of confusion and worries, I decided to write a letter to you and let you know that you are responsible for all my fears, all my dilemas, for all the sleepless nights, for all the days when I can't smile, and for the moments when I feel the world lays at my feet. How and who gave you this gift of immense power? You, the somptous image of fragile beings, goddess with hallucinant eyes and deceiving touches, you sneak behind me, slowly and cold, like a serpant, and you use your charms to strangulate my heart, with such power and such indifference. Will you ever let it go from your  ruthless claws? I realize that I am helpless, my revolt is only amusing you, and this struggle resisting you is useless.

When will u stop playing with all our souls, and you will offer us more than the joy of a moment that ends before we even blink? Yes, you throw me a bone, now and then, you deceive me with a smile, you make peace with an I Love You, you give me the wonderful second of illusion, and then you throw me back again in the vortex of doubts and fears. So I ask you, politely and somehow anxiously, be gentle to me,  your impuissant victim, lift your black-red wings that lay on me, and give me the chance to breath the fresh air of serenity.

Your indignant victim,
Andreea

Beautiful dance of deception

Dupa indelungi dezbateri, am decis ca, incepand de azi voi scrie blogul meu si in limba engleza. Desi sunt constienta ca nu ma pot traduce la fel de bine intr-o limba ce imi este, in definitiv, straina, voi face un efort sa transmit o particica din mintea mea si cititorilor internationali. Dar ca sa revenim la lucruri mai serioase...

Trebuie sa o spun din nou: rasa umana ma dezamageste. Ma intreb daca am putea cumva inlocui natura diabolica pe care noi, homo sapiens sapiens, o avem. Nu vreau ca titlul sa fie ambiguu pentru dragii mei cititori, dar in postul asta voi vorbi despre dragoste. Exista oare un asemenea concept precum dragoste pura, inocenta? Exista oare iubire neconditionata? Iubirea in care esti gata sa dai totul in schimbul a nimic? Inclin sa cred ca raspunsul la toate aceste intrebari este NU. Pana si vechiul mit al gradinii raiului e infestat de iubire conditionata si razbunatoare. Dumnezeu spune foarte clar cuplului primordial sa nu manance din copacul Cunoasterii Binelui si Raului pentru ca altfel "izvorul" de iubire va seca, iar cand cei doi gusta din fructul oprit sunt izgoniti din gradina raiului. Gata! Iubirea a incetat. Dumnezeu ii arunca pe cei doi intr-o lume pustie si ii lasa sa infrunte orice obstacol fara pic de ajutor. Unde a disparut toata iubirea? Unde s-a dus nevoia de protectie a celui pe care il iubesti? Si mai mult decat atat, daca forta suprema la care se inchina milioane de oameni a oprit izvorul iubirii, cum putem noi muritorii de rand sa il repornim si sa il mentinem tanar?

Daca stam sa ne gandim bine, unul din cele mai vechi conflicte ale omenirii, Razboiul Troian (si da, acest eveniment este dezbatut de istorici), a izvorat din intrigile si intunericul iubirii. Zeita dragostei, Afrodita, a rasucit si incurcat atat de tare cararile iubirii facand-o pe Elena, sotia lui Menelaus sa se indragosteasca de Paris, incat acest sentiment, aparent pur si nobil, s-a transformat in cel mai performant instrument al manipularii. Zeii au stiut ce au stiut. Iubirea descopera vulnerabilitatea fiecarui individ, si poate fi utilizata in cele mai meschine scopuri. Iubirea transforma ratiunea in pura copilarie, transforma nesemnificativul in suferinta si fericirea in durere sfasietoare. Atata putere se afla in mainile iubirii incat noi, muritorii, cadem invinsi. Singurul lucru la care putem spera este intalnirea unui suflet ce va tine in palma inima noastra, si nu o va sufla in bataia vantului precum o papadie, ci o va ocroti si proteja pe veci. Singura dificultate este gasirea unei persoane ce poate ca nici nu exista. Si atunci ce raspundem in fata iubirii?


After many debates, I've decided that, starting today, I will write my posts in English too. I am well aware that I cannot translate myself well enough using a language that is ultimately foreign to me, but I will do my best to divulge parts of my confused mind to my international readers as well. So let's get down to business...

I have to say it again. Human race continues to disappoint me. I wonder if there is a way in which we can replace the evil nature that we, homo sapiens sapiens, seems to own and possess.  I don't want the title of my post to be ambiguous to any of my dear readers, so I am telling you from the start I will be talking about love. "Oh, love such an amazing experience..."(many would melancholically say). I can't stop asking myself if there is such a concept of innocent, pure love? If there is such a thing as unconditional love? Are we, individuals, ready to sacrifice everything, not waiting for something in return, in the name of love? I incline to respond to all of these question with a simple word: No. When we look back, we realize that the oldest myth of man kind, the myth of Adam and Eve, is infested with conditional and vengeful love. The ever loving God commands to the primordial couple not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Wrong, because if they do, severe consequence will fall upon them. The minute Adam and Eve taste the forbidden fruit, all the love and forgiveness goes out the window.  That is it! The lights went off and the love has stopped. God throws the two sinners into a world of unknown, a world of solitude, and let's them face all the obstacles of the world without any divine help. So where did all the love go? Moreover, if the supreme force in which millions of people believe, has clogged the spring of love, how can we mortals start it again and keep it young? 

If we give this idea a good thought, we realize that one of the oldest conflicts between humans, the Trojan War (and yes, I know that historians are debating the veracity of this event), sprang from the plots and darkness of love. The goddess of love, Aphrodite, twisted and manipulated the concept of love so badly, making Helene, wife of Menelaus, to fall in love with Paris, that this emotion that apparently is pure and noble, became the ultimate manipulation instrument. Gods knew where the power rests. Love reveals the vulnerability of every human being and it can be used in the most trivial way. Love transforms reason into pure naivety, transforms the insignificant into suffering, and turns happiness into heartbreaking pain. There is so much power lying in the hands of love, that we, mortals, don't have any other choice than to surrender. We can only hope that we will meet another soul, that will keep our heart in their palms, without hurting it, but protecting it and defending it against the wind of uncertainty. The only difficulty is finding such a soul in this putrid sea of weakness and vice. After all this, how do we respond to the overwhelming power of love?